Freedom from Sexual brokenness: not through a method,
 but a person – the Lord Jesus Christ

• SEXUALITY IN THE INDIAN CHURCH - A TIME TO END THE SECRECY, SILENCE AND SHAME.
  December 2005
  
  Recently my wife and I spent 4 months travelling in Asia teaching on sexuality in Indonesia, Malaysia and Sri Lanka for 2 weeks each and India for 10 weeks. Since 1999 we have visited Asia annually to do teaching on sexuality. In 2005 our schedule involved preaching in churches (7), speaking at pastors meetings (3), public seminars (5),  seminars for Christian organizations and ministries (6), youth meetings (8), Student Bible study groups (4), Bible colleges (3), schools (2) and students hostels (8). There were also meetings at several Indian Universities involving non-Christians and at a Christian drug and drink rehabilitation centre speaking on life skills. Ten people came for counselling appointments and many others discussed their problems after meetings.
  
  There were 7 categories of people we spoke to.
  
  1. Pastors, and Christian leaders 
  (a) Those aged over 50 These leaders often said to us “our young people need this teaching.“  While this is true, this older leadership is not realising or admitting that their own generation does also. Out of their own fear and shame of sexuality they have not spoken to the younger Church generation in there 20’s, or even their own children of similar age group on sexuality.  Their own children, often now young parents, are now struggling over exactly the same issues of sexuality that they did.   
  (b) Those aged 20- 30. These Pastors said, “We need to teach on this subject but cannot teach on sexuality as our culture does not discuss this topic. Yet how do we reach sexual strugglers in our churches?”
  This younger generation of pastors/leaders are totally aware of the problems of sexuality in the church and culture. Without fail when they met us they asked us to teach on sexuality to their young people.
  Speaking at Pastor's meetings we were constantly informed of absent Pastors who had committed adultery, homosexuality etc. An observation is that there needs to be greater accountability as to how Pastors and church leaders conduct their lives.
   
  2. Sexual strugglers
  People came forward for counsel or support for exactly the same problems as they do in the West, such as homosexuality, lesbianism, traumatic marriages, immorality, and as victims of sexual abuse. Internet pornography was a particular problem for youth. Chinese Christians were generally far more open about their problems than Indians.  Most of those who came forward for help with their struggles consistently said, 
• “There is no one to talk with about our problems.“  
• “We don’t believe that our pastor will maintain confidentiality about our problems.”  (However a few did say their Pastor or Christian friends had given them wonderful pastoral support to overcome their problems). 

“We are tired of hearing about the tabernacle and return of Jesus; we need to be taught how to deal with everyday problems.“  They often saw the older generation of Church leaders as both unapproachable and inaccessible.

3. Women
First the Wives.
We heard from women how they observed the emotional and spiritual abuse of pastors with his wife - she being seen not as equal in the relationship, but just there to be submissive, to meet his needs and support his ministry! Married women said “When my husband is at home he never helps with the children or domestic duties. He expects me to wait on him yet never shows me affection." Single women constantly said that their role as a woman both in society and the church was inferior to men. Interestingly, like many single women in the West they often viewed other single Christian men as unsuitable married partners, lacking godly assertiveness. 

4. Youth groups.
As we travelled we conducted a survey and found out that approximately only 1: 200 Christians had teaching on sexuality from the church – thus there was a culture of secrecy, shame and silence on the subject.
We learnt that many Christians in their 20’s knew practicing homosexuals. 
*After giving teaching on sexuality we were told time and time again, “We have never been taught anything like this and need to hear it. Please come back.“ 
*Young people, whether at school or in higher education, were desperate to be taught about sexuality from parents or church leaders but heard nothing. They then resorted to the Internet, movies or friends for information.  They were appallingly ignorant on sexuality – thinking things like
    * It is a sin to be attracted to the opposite sex.
    * Sexual feelings are sinful and unnatural.
    * Masturbation could result in a loss of salvation
 
5. Staff workers in Schools and Hostels
Their knowledge of sexuality was very limited and this was a great worry considering they are often full time carers for youth.

Some Staff in Christian boarding schools and hostels said that:

• They allowed boys to be in bed together for sexual relief reasoning this was better than being sexually frustrated.
• We don’t know what happens when the lights go out and we don’t know what to do anyway even if there are problems.
• We don't know how to teach on sexuality.  Please give us resources. (Church youth workers also constantly asked for such resources).
• The superintendent of a mission school cancelled a seminar on sexuality we were scheduled to give to the teenagers in the school hostel believing the teenagers did not need this information.  His staff were shocked at his decision, knowing the teenagers already had problems with sexuality.

6.  Married couples.
(a)  The younger married couples.
A husband in ministry was in tears talking to me of his sexual frustrations. His wife had just had a baby and with both of them being totally unaware of contraception and embarrassed to go to a doctor, they felt abstinence was the only answer to avoid another pregnancy.
(b)  The older married couples.
A wife also cried as she told how her husband of 15 years had never complimented her, never embraced her,  but does these things to his children.  In talking to the husband he said, “I only followed the example of how my father treated my mother.“  We wondered had he thought how her husband the same way he treated his wife could one day treat his daughter!

Part of the solution to avoid such problems is in proper pre marital counselling and on going marriage enrichment seminars.
 
7.  Former sexual strugglers
Includes those who have now left behind life controlling sexual problems such as homosexuality, lesbianism, sexual addiction and immorality. Praise God they could now speak of sexual chastity if single and of faithfulness if married. They spoke of very little competent help being available to them from the Christian community in overcoming their problems.
From this information we need to understand that there are two major problems. What is happening in the culture –
and what is happening in the church. (This could relate to what is happening locally, nationally or internationally).        
 
First the influence of culture. There is a Sexual Revolution happening in Asia overnight (compared to it taking over 30 years to happen in the West) as people abandon traditional values of religion, morality and family. Whereas in the West the sexual revolution of the 70’s was often primarily politically driven by sexual minorities, feminists, homosexual activists etc, in Asia the changes seen in attitudes and laws concerning sexuality have often been initiated by Governments, rather than activists and sexual minorities e.g. Taiwan legalising same sex marriages in 2004 and Singapore and Bhutan making affirming statements about homosexuality.

As well there has been the effect of not only western movies promoting immorality and homosexuality, but similar themes in Indian movies. Internet pornography is available to all. So in high tech Asia there is information overload on sexuality but not that which is value based. Sex tourism is tolerated as it brings money to a town or area, but it is at the cost of exploiting the poor, powerless and the oppressed.  Also many fall prey to sexual diseases such as HIV/AIDS.  AIDS is endemic in parts of Asia and is invariably a death sentence as the cost of medication is prohibitive, but it has ironically caused greater discussion on sexuality. This has elevated technology over religion and the arts as the ultimate source of personal values and authority.

Secondly The Church
Not only is the Asian Church generally unaware of the sexual revolution in Asia, it has also not prepared her people well on how to live for Christ amidst the 21st century sexual culture. The focus of the Church teaching for Christians is so often on “the life to come in eternity", but does not teach on how to live today. This can mean that Christians often do not have the right "oil in their lamps“ to cope with modern day temptations or the right role models of sexuality to follow.  Below are some suggestions for changes within the Church that could help address the issue of sexuality but it will take courage to implement them. 
 
1. A CHANGE OF CHURCH LEADERSHIP
As Church Leadership sets the tone for life in the church the reality is this much of the older Church leadership, 50 and over is a hindrance rather than help in addressing sexuality (however, there are exceptions). Leaderships seems so paralysed by fear that they don’t talk about sexuality and therefore reinforce the myth that sexuality is a shameful thing. Leaders should be courageous and remove the fears about sexuality. Until they are re-educated, replaced, or have a complete change of awareness about sexuality, nothing very effective can be done by the emerging middle and younger church leadership who are far more aware of the problem of sexuality than their older leadership.

2. A CHANGE OF LEADERSHIP ATTITUDE.
It seems the attitude to sexuality is often, “let’s hope it will all goes away.” Well it won’t. It is a major issue for the church to deal with. Ultimately, a change of attitude is a matter of will power and nothing to do with money or resources. 

3. A CHANGE OF UNDERSTANDING
There needs to be a reformation of understanding where Christians see themselves as first living according to what the Kingdom of God says about life, sexuality and marriage and not what their national or dominant religious culture says. 

4. A TIME to TALK AND TEACH SEXUALITY
This is imperative. God gave the first teaching on sexuality and sex education in Genesis 1; 26. There needs to be:
* Proactive biblical based programme on sexuality in all parts of church life - Sunday School, Youth Group, Sunday Services.
* Parents need to be taught how and when to teach their children a Biblical understanding of sexuality
 
5. GOD SPOKE TO ADAM FIRST
(Genesis 2; 5 – 18) Thus the responsibility is with men who have got to be educated that women are:Equal to men in God’s sight (though men have greater responsibilities) and treated with respect.
* Not in life just to meet their sexual needs, or look after the home and children and support them in their ministry. Also recognising that most men would be too frightened to attend a 6-week teaching course on sexuality then Churches could implement.
* Discipleship/bible teaching programmes that teach men topics such as how to be
- good men, husbands and fathers
- How to deal with temptation including sexual temptation, anger. How to understand their emotions and be able to express them and not just anger.
 
To make this teaching course effective the church needs to also have healing programs that address emotional issues not only physical problems.  
 
6. WOMEN need to be encouraged and educated to value themselves for whom they are – women made in the image of God. (Ps 139:14). They need to understand that their value is not just as mothers, wives and producers of sons or of helping their husband in his ministry but that they can also have a ministry.
* As well they should be protected and honoured by men
* Their role in the Church should also be honoured.
This will take courage and assertion of women to gain these rights.

7. MARRIAGE PREPARATION should include understanding sexuality, the emotional and sexual differences between men and women as well as contraception. Evangelicals, Pentecostals and Anglicans we met are very poor in these areas of marriage preparation whereas the Catholic Church does attempt to address the issues. 

8. YOUTH have to be taught a Biblical understanding of
*Adolescence,
*Sexuality,
* The opposite sex and of relationships with them.

9. EDUCATION on sexuality, including contraception, diseases etc should involve using Christian doctors and nurses but if these is not available then competent non-Christian professionals. 

10. RESOURCES - Indigenous Christian resources on sexuality have to be produced that are relevant to, and inexpensive for the Asian culture. The present resources available tend to be western, expensive and not always culturally relevant.   

Conclusion
In the issue of sexuality there is really little choice for the church. Either it addresses it or the pain, confusion or hurt continues for yet another generation. Yet it is possible, that while the hour is late, it is not yet too late for change. 
As Rajiv Gandhi said, “I also have a dream “ and for me that is to end the secrecy, shame and silence on sexuality in the Asian church. It is time for change.

Pete and Dot Lane are involved with Exodus Asia Pacific, a ministry to help sexual strugglers over come their problems. Recently a ministry was started in India /Sri Lanka for enquiries write to : info@exodusasiapacific.org 

See the RESOURCES page for books that address the above issues.

Copyright © 2005 Exodus Asia Pacific